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| Animal jokes, Animal short jokes, Pet joke, Dog Jokes, Cat Jokes DilseComments.com |
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| Animal Jokes |
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A man is walking home when he sees a dog buying meat for his owner.The man watches the dog when the butcher takes a little to much and growls and him until he gets the right amount.
The man follows the dog and watches as the dog stands on two legs and helps an old lady across the street.
Amazed the man follows the dog home and watches the dog ring the doorbell. When the owner comes to the door the owner takes the bags and tells the dog to stay in the front yard.
Frustrated the man goes up to the owner and yells "This dog is amazing! He gets your groceries, makes sure you have the exact change, helps old ladies across the street and this is how you treat him!"
The owner replies" I know but,this is the 3rd time this week he left his keys".
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| Animal Jokes |
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New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets
1. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
2. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
3. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
4. Circulate petition that "Leg Humping" be a juried competition in major dog shows.
5. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
6. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
7. Always scoot before licking.
8. Grow opposable thumb, break into pantry, decide for MYSELF how much food is "too much."
9. Get out of the castle more; maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
10. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.
11. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.
The ad in the local newspaper read: "Purebred Police Dog $25."
Thinking that to be a great bargain, Mrs. Claudette Ramsey ordered the dog to be delivered. The next day a van pulled up and left her the scruffiest, mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad. "What do you mean by calling that mangy mutt a purebred police dog?"
"Don't be deceived by his looks, Ma'am," the man replied. "He's in the Secret Service."
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| Animal Jokes |
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Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room, but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around the house. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage that housed a large parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes," answered the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and then asked the parrot: "What's your name?"
"Harry," said the bird.
"Hairy? That's a dumb name for a parrot," snickered the burglar. "What idiot named you 'Hairy'?"
The parrot replied, "The same idiot who named the Pit Bull, Jesus."
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| Animal Jokes |
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A lady went to a pet shop. "I would like to buy two yellow canaries," she told the owner.
"We don't have any canaries, but we have these," the owner said, as he showed the lady some pale green parakeets.
"That's not what I'm looking for," the lady stated.
But the pet storeowner refused to give up. He said, "Just think of them as yellow canaries that aren't quite ripe yet."
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| Animal Jokes |
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A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show. "Look, it's not the same hat!"
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, because it was the captain's parrot after all.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.
After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, okay. I give up. What did you do with the boat?"
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| Jokes of The Month |
Teacher: What do you call the person who keeps on talking when others are no longer interested?
Raj : A teacher. |
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